A few weeks ago, I was talking with a friend of mine and somehow, we got on the topic of flagrantly foul rap lyrics. Initially it was just corny lyrics, then it progressed to “too weird for reason”. The number one offender that we could think of was Notorious BIG’s line “You look so good, huh, I’ll suck on your daddy’s dick”. Diddy was in the background co-signing that bullshit of course. Years ago, I saw Nia Long in an airport, she was prettier in person than the movies, but I never thought of her dad once. I smiled, fantasized a lil bit and continued drinking my apple juice. Anyway, the conversation then morphed into the wild ass things guys will do for or on behalf of women. We covered the obvious, fighting, sneaking around, lying to your main squeeze to protect her feelings. The biggest thing though, was marriage, and it’s not close at all. Buckle up.
After multiple posts about politics, and what’s going on in the world, I debated even posting this one, but then I said why not, I haven’t been in the doghouse in a while. So, we talked about all the crazy shit that marriage entails; deleting or slightly sacrificing a portion of your social life, joining finances, living with them, monogamy (in theory), daily interaction (I’m an introvert so results may vary for you), having to compromise your style, preferences and so on with everything you eat, or use to decorate. In essence, you give up a lot of your “self” to be teammate, and you gotta sign a contract with no reasonable terms or conditions in it, knowing that half of them end in divorce, and like 40% endure known infidelity. It’s crazy as hell when you think about it.
Why Even Do It
The thing is, and maybe this is just my heathen ass interpretation of it, but marriage to me is like a psychological experiment of mixing pleasure with business. Usually, folks get married for love…never really thinking of it as a business decision. If it doesn’t work out, you quickly realize it’s more businesslike than anything else. Y’all lawyering up, spending time in court trying to dissolve the business, change names, reallocate finances, property, and making arrangements to share custody of the kids. The guy is singing “where is the love” and the chick is singing “What’s love got to do with it”.
Then, you have the lovely cases of people 20, 30 and 40 years in…” success stories” that get on each other’s last damn nerve routinely. Enduring due to love, or that just becomes their way of life. I’m not sure if there are any studies on it, but if I had to put a percentage on long lasting, truly happy marriages, I’d say that percentage is likely less than 5%. Call me pessimistic, but I haven’t seen many examples that make me say “I wanna be like that” in the real world. Still, thousands of guys save up their money, come up with some goofy ass proposal plan, execute it, then pay a grip of cash on a wedding, for a 15 to 20 year “happily ever after”. I think the funny part of that span is that people with higher education, marriages tend to be shorter. Go figure.
Who Really Cares What I Think
Now, I’m only speaking from a guy’s perspective, women will likely feel different than I do on this. I’m in my mid 40’s so there isn’t a single extreme ordeal that I can fathom going through just to be with a beautiful woman. On the flip side, Biggie was in his early 20’s when he said that flagrant shit. Granted, at 12 or 13 when I first heard it, I was still like “nah, I’m cool”. Considering he wasn’t even faithful to the woman he was with; that’s a hell of a display to get in the door. I imagine, had he seen Nia Long in the airport, he probably walks up to her like “damn love, you are stunning…where yo daddy at, I’m bout to go thank the shit out of him”. One might say that’s just as crazy as saving up 3 months’ worth of salary for a promise ring…I wouldn’t, but some might.
Ladies, I’m sure you sacrifice too, just not in the same way. My apologies for it being so one sided. The thing is that most guys do it because we think that’s what y’all want. I’m sure there’s a percentage of guys that wanna lock y’all down but lack the conviction to blow your dad so, marriage it is. To be fair, I think the greater percentage lies with the people that don’t think too deeply beyond the shared love aspect. They don’t consider it a business deal at all…until they’re forced to see it that way.
There’s a reason George Bernard Shaw said “youth is wasted on the young”. All of us old or older people think “if I could go back and do it again” about something. We can tell the current young people all kinds of good game right now, they ain’t gon listen. But, in the off chance one does, here’s some really good advice that you should share with young and young at mind people before they do stupid shit in relationships.
A Lil Unsolicited Advice
EVERYONE needs a pre-nup! Fuck planning the wedding, spend 6 to 8 months writing a pre-nuptial agreement, agree to that, then plan the wedding. People need to plan for and understand as many terms and conditions as possible. It’s not just about having and/or dividing assets, there can be behavioral clauses and things of that nature. Assignment of duties, finances, bills, obligations, terms for leaving, cheating, kids, you name it, with baked in review and renewal periods. As Andre 3000 once said, “they say nothing is forever, then what makes love the exception”.
I once asked folks on my IG page “besides taxes, what unique benefit is there to marriage”? People were chill in the comments, but the DM’s and text messages I received told a different story. I still don’t believe there are any unique pros in marriage, the benefits seem to exist only in the breaking up part of the relationship. I’m sure it will be taken wrong…again, but I’m not saying there is NO benefit to being with someone or being married. I am saying it’s case by case. The ring and vows don’t prevent cheating, nor do they ensure security or assistance. You can be just as committed to your man or woman without a ring on it, that’s a choice people make. If you believe marriage is a necessity, get that pre-nup foo. If you don’t, just be the best partner for as long as y’all can deal with each other and always commit to taking care of your kids regardless.