There I was, minding my business trying to enjoy my time off in Vegas. I woke up insanely early because my body is still adjusted to the central time zone, decided to watch something on TV to pass the time. I scrolled to the TV guide and thought I was about to watch something interesting on the History channel. I sat down and left the remote across the room, then the program changed to this guy Doug Batchelor…a televangelist. Considering my opinions on many “reformed pimps that become preachers”, one could only imagine how I view these people. Now, to be fair, he didn’t choose to stay on my screen, my own laziness prevented me from turning this bullshit off immediately. I sat and listened to this man talk for about 20 minutes about tithing and offering up money to the church. He knows ALL of the passages that guilt people to separating their palms from their dollars.
In My Young Mind
I grew up on the West Side of Chicago in the 1980’s and 90’s. My mother didn’t have a lot of money at all, but when we went to church, we’d be forced to pitch in. The pastor at the time, Rev. Hubbard drove a Cadillac, and he was treated like a celebrity every time he parked in front of the church. I knew nothing more about him other than I always fell asleep despite his yelling about whatever. I knew that in order to get a dinner after the service it would cost a few dollars…always smelled better than it tasted too IF we had money to get anything and usually, we didn’t. When I moved in with my dad, we didn’t go to church often, but when we did, it was the church of our extended family. Maybe I’m biased, but he was the only preacher that I encountered in my childhood that I legitimately respected. He was also the only one I knew at the time that drove a regular car, and I believe he had a job too.
Mild Exception
When my mom came along, we started going to church more often and that was significantly better…but I didn’t like the preacher’s character. Granted, he and I never hung out, but there was something about him that rubbed me the wrong way. That aside, I could see that his church took in A LOT of money, but put a lot of it to work in the community as well. So, when he was getting blasted in the media during Barack Obama’s first campaign, I defended him because I felt he was right, and typically doing good in the community. However, much like my defense of Michael Jordan in these basketball conversations, it ends at his talents because outside of that I thought he was an asshole.
Greedy Bastards
All that to say I meet all “religious leaders” with skepticism, and I am paying attention to the details. So, sitting here watching this clown, he is constantly saying that God and Jesus need more, and that people are greedy, and this is the most materialistic era in human times…and the only way to fix it is giving more money to God. These types of people are con artists, not even good con artists. He’s telling people up front that he ain’t shit, and he only cares about the money. Much like Donald Trump does, but this Doug Batchelor asshole seemed to be a wee bit smarter.
Look, if God came to me directly and said “Doug, this is my cashapp, I need a few dollars” two things would immediately happen in my mind and, God being God already knows this. 1. Y’all may think hell awaits, but if GOD is saying “Doug, let me hold something til Tuesday” we’re all fucked anyway. 2. I’d be asking GOD, “if you can create and destroy existence at will, what use do you have for manmade currency”? If there’s no profound response I’m gonna assume I was just hearing a loudspeaker or something. God doesn’t need money, the people re-lying on God for a living do. Our currency says “In God We Trust”, not the other way around.
You got one pastor professing God is a meat stretcher…whatever that means, meanwhile TD Jakes is at these Puffy parties trying to get his meat stretched. Creflo Dollar, Joel Olsteen, and the slew of prosperity gospel preachers are constantly telling you what you can give to help them achieve their goals, but the only thing they have for you is pimp like motivation to be happy that you helped them succeed…” God will bless you for your generosity now step aside while I pull this Bentley off the lot, Amen”. I go extra hard against these people because I know they’re full of shit. It saddens me to hear folks give their hard earned money to these types of folks, believing they are helping God’s work, but that ain’t how God works!
Disclaimer
I promise I didn’t WANT to write this, this morning, but these people are peddling religion and the masses have been conditioned to accept it in America. I’ve lived a good portion of my life in the non-religious space, the more I come across these crooks and conmen though, I transition to anti-religion. It is harder and harder for me to glean any value from these guys that are always selling something or asking for money. I do recognize that all of those assholes make it harder for the people truly out here trying to do God’s work so to speak. Not every preacher or minister is bad, but the percentage that I’ve encountered exceeds 75 so it’s a good chance the preachers you know, I’d probably say they’re a bit shady, strange, or oddly self-absorbed.
I watch people submitting their hard-earned dollars to these preachers and I hear Malcolm X playing in the audio files of my mind “you’ve been had, you’ve been took, hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, run amuck”. That’s not God’s fault, that’s these assholes that claim to be men of God…as if they were specially anointed with something that none of us have. Well, I’m here to tell you all of that is bullshit. IF these guys lived regular lives, at the level of their lowest parishioner and truly only paid themselves enough to live while letting the rest do right by the community they serve, then I’d say that’s a man of God. However, the reality is, these guys are taking your money, investing a good portion for themselves, buying luxury goods, and placing themselves on a pedestal under the guise of God, Jesus or whomever. These types of people ain’t shit and if you know one personally, please share this with them.
The Horse is Dead Doug
It’s sad to me that so many people have faith in pastors that do next to nothing for anyone but themselves. We as a society are due for a wakeup call as it pertains to how we believe. If God comes to you and says “such and such lemme hold something” follow your heart on that. When the preacher does the same thing asking for a minimum of 10% of your money do this instead. Give his ass 5% and then invest 5% in an index fund for a year and see which one bears more fruit. He’s going to use it to grow his “fanbase”, which ultimately gets him richer, more notoriety, perks, and financial security. You can use the proceeds from your 5% investment to secure your future or be a blessing directly to the less fortunate when they need it. Charity starts at home.